It's been 10 days
My plan was to blog more frequently. I really like the thought that I can allow friends and family to see what’s going on in my life in Paris. However, it shouldn’t become overwhelming.
I like blogging because often I feel like social media turns into some kind of pressure. Everyone needs to know here you are and what you’re doing. Like you owe them to post updates, so everyone can see how things are going. And most people don’t post anything about feeling bad, so we all have a distorted way of how we’re supposed to feel. Being sad or anxious becomes abnormal and we automatically hide it.
I have an age long struggle with the anxiety monster and I think it’s just perfectly fine to write it here. It’s a struggle of doing well enough - to feel happy about your own progress. Because most people are not really that focused on anyone else. We’re all like little stars that have planets orbiting them. Planets like happiness, sadness, anxiety, joy, etc. Other stars have their planets to worry about, we have ours.
I’m not saying we’re self-centered in a negative way. We just always assume that everyone else is focusing on our own strengths and weaknesses, when most people are looking at their own.
Many of the things I have worried about since I moved here, were small things that took a lot of energy in worrying and wondering. It’s one thing to worry about something, or wonder about it, but when it has gone in a few circles in your mind (when it doesn’t need to), then the energy - compared to the size of the matter - you’ve spent on it, sometimes becomes a lot. And on top of that, sometimes I find it very hard to just let go. Let things happen (and see what the results will be). If I just plan things hard enough and well enough, then they can’t disappoint me later (specially if my prediction is negative enough..)
This way of thinking is an old survival tactic which might have worked when I was younger, but isn’t necessarily the most helpful today. But, it’s hard to teach an old dog new tricks. Just kidding, I know that’s not true. When the treat is tempting enough - and with some patience - you can easily teach an old dog almost anything. So, there’s actually nothing really in the way of teaching yourself a more relaxed way of thinking. Nothing except yourself…
10 days ago Svavar came for a visit. It was wonderful having him here to share the experience of walking around Paris. Our favorite thing to do is going out for dinner and experiencing new places. We like eating. We did quite a lot of that while he was here - as well as taking it easy and talking about nothing and everything.
Our favorite place in this visit was a tiny, sort of French “tapas” kinda place. A multitude of small French dishes and so much different wine (by the glass). I’ve put the location on the map next to the text. The place is called L’Avant Comptoir.
What we liked about this place is that there are no seats, everyone stands and there’s noise coming from the server and the kitchen. He yells orders to the kitchen and they yell thanks back to him. There’s music, not too loud, quite fun actually - and people just automatically start talking to those next to them. Like being in a bar, late at night, except you’re there to eat. It was very busy, so sometimes the waiter forgot an order - so you’d have to remind him with a wave and a smile and he’d give you a little extra wine at the same time.
Svavar at L’Avant Comptoir
With a nice glass of wine and a smile
The place we went to has a mixed variety of dishes. There’s also L’Avant Comptoir de la Mer (sea food theme) and L’Avant Comptoir du Marché (ham/pork theme, if I understood the waiter correctly).
We thoroughly enjoyed that place and we were happy to stumble upon it.
Below you can see a time lapse I made with the photos Svavar took that day.
So, now 10 days later, I’m in bed and I’ve finally gotten over the feeling of “being abroad, so I must go out and do something”. I don’t have to do that if I don’t want to - and I’m very thankful and glad I have that choice. Thus, I’m going to find something to watch (in between staring out the window) and eat chocolate ice cream.
Ps. I highly recommend the movie Three Billboards Outside of Ebbing, Missouri
and the book 21 Lessons for the 21st Century by Yuval Noah Harari.