This is a first. I have a tendency to write my blog posts in Icelandic first and then translate them to English, but I promise - this one, is originally en anglais. I want to write a bit about an experience I had today. It has got to do with a mental journey I’m on (sounds very deep, the story isn’t though) in dealing with my codependency. For those of you who know not what that is, I recommend taking a look at it. Quite simply it is..

.. a dysfunctional relationship in which a person is more concerned about the needs of others than his or her own needs. It is often characterized by excessive care-taking, enabling, controlling, and / or an unhealthy need for recognition or approval.

— https://www.codependencynomore.com/start-here/

I definitely recommend that page (or actually their podcast, I haven’t checked their page much), to anyone who thinks they are or might be codependent. Anyway. What that mental journey was basically about. Shoes. Yes this probably sounds really vain. I’ll continue. Last week I bought shoes, which I hardly ever do, but I’ve been sweating my toes off since it got warmer, not having any open shoes/sandals here in Paris. I have very thin feet (odd detail about my feet, yes, but important to the story), so I ended up buying wedges with very adjustable straps. Shoes were nice and comfy and I liked them a lot. I literally wore them twice. The day I bought them and on Saturday. After a while walking in them on Saturday they started hurting the sole of my feet so bad I could barely walk anymore. Also, one of the straps got loose. So, I was now forced to go and return the shoes. No big issue here right?

Well, that’s where my codependent brain comes in. The one that starts doubting my legibility in returning said shoes. The shop would probably tell me it was my fault the shoes were hurting. That I had ruined them. How should I argue about it in French? Would they believe my that I only wore them twice? What if they got angry? What if I couldn’t exchange them in the end?

I’ve been working on dealing with this sort of faulty brain wiring, by rewiring myself to stop these anxiety-triggering thoughts. I try to counteract them with reasoning. Why would they get angry? Or finding solutions. Worst case scenario you pay someone to fix the shoes. Actually, the best way is to wait until the moment actually happens without even going as far as these thoughts, but I’m not completely there. And, one of ways to getting there is writing down what actually happened.

They greeted me with a smile (I guess they started to recognise me, having been there a few time just looking), I told them I was a bit disappointed with the shoes I bought last week - understatement of the year by the way. I put them on the table. He poked at the area where I told him the shoe had hurt me and said,

Yes it looks like there’s something wrong here. Go ahead and see if you find another pair like this one, or just any pair if you want to change.

— Nice shoe man

Wait what? That easy? I’m glad it didn’t cause me more stress than it could have and at the same time it makes me think about all the different scenarios my brain was painting, that could’ve easily triggered anxiety.

This guy I really love, Svavar, has told me more than once to always assume good intentions. He is right. This was a nice lesson to add to my repertoire.

-Miriam